Training and the Holy Fruit

So what do you know about the word “discipline”? When I was a child it was undeniably code for punishment. If a parent mentioned needing to discipline a child, that child was quickly off for a favorite hiding spot!

Training is a more accurate interpretation of the word. Training may include unpleasant outcomes or consequences, but pain is not inherently part of training. Consider becoming adept in the discipline of a particular style of cooking… study and observe, practice, then repeat until proficiency is attained. With most areas of study or skill development there is always something more to be learned or perfected, and so it is with the disciple, the believer attempting to learn and apply more of Christ’s teaching and example.

With my previous mention of being one of the children in an altercation and then the parent tasked with sorting out the children’s altercations, I also noted something of a new territory exposed in my heart due to these exercises. As I had said countless times to children small and large, I found I was telling myself, “Yes, that was definitely a wrong thing done to you, but perhaps your response was not what it should be either.”

Building on that foundational passage of Titus 2:11-12, where we saw the instruction to see the sinful and root it out, deny it a place, and instead focus on the godly options, we have added study of Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. This passage tells us we have free and ready access to an unlimited supply of all that is necessary to successfully, in a God-honoring way, navigate the challenges of life. The holy fruit, supplied by the Holy Spirit and as near as our next breath, is truly sufficient for our every relational need.

Learning of that fruit and the depth and breadth of its potency was astonishing to me. I thought I knew what love is. But this Holy Spirit-supplied love is not what I’ve been calling love at all. My idea of love was decent; it was good… love shares, it overlooks faults and is kind, but it has limits. Its limits are vague and may vary from day to day, or even hour by hour, but it very definitely has limits, and to push to exceed those limits will result in cessation of supply. Total shut down. Not so with the Holy Spirit’s supply of love. His love is strong, unconditional, and noble. And remarkably, incredibly, it has no limits. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 this love has no limits to its patience, kindness, ability to endure and bear up under stress. No limits to its humility, or ability to see the good in others, among many other wonderful qualities.

And that’s just the tiniest slice of it. There’s more to that love than can be said here. As I learn more of it, meditate on it, yield my self-centered heart and mind to it, I am continually astonished at its vitality and perfection.

Then there’s joy… abiding, true contentment totally unaffected by my circumstances, and peace… peace with God, thanks to the sacrifice of Christ, and the peace of God, that guards my heart as a well-armed, ever alert soldier.

Patience that pushes away the angry outburst when another provokes. Kindness that is quick to do that truly useful thing for someone else. Goodness, pure and sincere, as seen in Christ himself.

Faithfulness that has the tenacity to never give up.                               Gentleness that would rather endure affliction than cause it.                        Self-control, which really means to yield control of self to the Holy Spirit’s command. Holy Spirit control of a disciple’s heart, mind, actions results in only good attitudes, thoughts, deeds.

In just a few minutes’ consideration of this holy fruit its potential effect on our relationships is mind-numbing. Imagine the change in your perspective of others in your world if you remembered this remarkable fruit was yours to share with no fear of running out! That irritating roommate, the incompetent coworker, overbearing employer, grouchy neighbor, or even the incessantly demanding child can be addressed with any or all aspects of the holy fruit to blessed success! Irritations, incompetence and the rest will not necessarily vanish, but just imagine what can happen to you and me as we yield to and share true, divinely produced and supplied love, joy, peace, patience and all the glorious others.

With study, observation, and practice, the work of disciplining my heart and mind to quickly access this holy fruit instead of my own paltry resources is my primary aim these days. Though there is an element of book work in this, the real transformative work happens when I walk away from The Book, and enter the arena where the opportunities to truly practice await. My arena today may be the four walls of my own home, but even there I can find unexpected challenge and must Be Alert! and quick to choose well.  May we do just that and share the holy fruit with all we meet!

Full Circle… or Once More, From the Top!

Remember when you were a kid and a sibling teased you one time too many and you came out swinging? And at that moment a parent walked into the room and caught you in the act of inflicting the bodily harm you felt was totally deserved? But they didn’t see it that way and instead sent you to your room to await your sure and painful punishment? And you knew then that if you ever had kids of your own you would never let this travesty of justice happen? Of course, you remember it! Every adult I know is familiar with that scenario!

 

So then fifteen or twenty years down the road, there you are looking into the sweet baby faces that are going to grow up a little, tease each other, and put you, now the parent, in that same spot when you walk into a room and see arms flying and shrill little voices shouting. What a change in perspective!

A few years into our parenting role, husband and I made clear headed assessments of our parenting challenges, committing to making better, wiser choices than those lousy, stupid choices we’d already made too many of. One of those was to attempt to redeem as many as possible of those explosive situations, helping the young ones involved to learn… really learn… something about themselves, others, and how to live well together, and what our Guidebook, the Bible, has to say about this process.

What the Bible says about how we live, how we treat others, how we view ourselves and others was paramount to our own growth as believers and paramount to how we wanted to grow and guide our children.

Yes, she was wrong to slap you, and, yes, there will be consequences for that inappropriate behavior. There will be instruction on what to do instead of slapping. There will be a confession of the assault and a request for forgiveness. There will also be an examination of what was done that provoked the slapping, with its own consequences. There will be confession of that wrong and a request for forgiveness. Following that would be a brief time of prayer wherein offender and offendee would ask God’s forgiveness of their sin against each other and Him, because according to the Word, all sin is ultimately against God Himself. The parent on hand would thank God for the promised forgiveness noted in 1 John 1:9, the lesson learned, and the wherewithal to not repeat this sad situation again. And then, as icing on the cake, there would be genuine, heartfelt granting of forgiveness to each other and a big hug.

Go Team! Break!

We did that a lot. There were eight young ones we hoped to see grow to adulthood in our care. They made for, by anyone’s standards, a lot of explosive situations. There were also a lot of long term, simmering situations that were often harder to spot, but were causing similar personal and relational damage. There were situations involving others outside the family, where we had little to no authority, but could still guide our young ones in a way to walk it out well, honoring God in the process.

Honoring God was The Goal. Learning to show love, kindness, forgiveness, put others’ needs ahead of our own, i.e., act like Jesus, was always The Goal especially in those times where it was all just plain crummy. I totally own messing it up many, many times. I couldn’t even accurately guess how many days (weeks? years??) I was just plain blind to stuff going on and thereby added to the problem; but now, with seven of eight full-fledged adults and making their way in their own adult life I am confident that even those failures are part of what God will use to grow them. Painful confession here… that part about using my failures as a parent to grow them stings, but there we are.

So these days I do basically zero referreeing of ugly confrontations, pointing out faults to both sides, leading the way to restoration. Instead, there are women… grown women… who have allowed me the privilege to lead them in discovering biblical truth and help for the work of Christian woman life. They are my focus in the realm of training now. If you are thinking this is the Do It With One Arm Tied Behind My Back round, you are dead wrong. Their desire to know more of scripture and flesh out its value and purpose to this life work has me on my knees in prayer and in the Word more than ever before, resulting in growth in my own heart like never before.

One of the warnings I regularly issue is this: With serious Study of Truth there Will Be opportunities to put it into practice.  Keep Alert!  Situations to think and act in accordance with what has been discovered will pop up and require a decision. They will be tough decisions. The first reaction will be to go with the old habit, but we’ve noted the preferred choice is the one that aligns with scripture, not the old habit. It thrills me to hear of a challenging situation when the Bible-based choice was successfully engaged, making for a totally new and improved outcome and then discover bonus relationship growth. God has been gracious to me and allows more of those same challenging situations, granting opportunities to grow deeper in love with His Word and the truth of it as I see its life-giving property bloom and strengthen roots in my heart where the wrong choice would have led to cold, dark regret instead.

One of the first scriptural truths we embrace is that we can actually identify and say “No!” to the things that are working against us in our goal to live a Christlike life, and “Yes!” to the attitudes, thoughts, words that help us to grow in that pursuit in the here and now. Titus 2:11-12 (NASB) gives us the directive to follow the example of Christ, who has given us salvation, and “…deny ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live sensibly, righteously, and godly in this present age.” As this passage gives them a new lens for viewing their lives, it is polished clear again for mine. Oh! The sting of seeing how I’ve slid here or there, but what joy in knowing the liberty and growth when the “ungodliness and worldly passion” has been confessed and rejected.

As my own life has advanced from being alternately the childish perpetrator and victim of self-centered hurt, to the parent guiding and instructing in life-giving, biblical perspective and action, I’m finding now that I’m in the position of learning new aspects and depths to the Truth I’ve loved for so long. What looks like me coming full circle or starting all over again in dealing with hurt exposes new territory in my own heart. This is the reason for my being here now. I’d love for you to walk a little further with me and see if, perhaps, God has intended a new insight for yourself as He has offered to me through His lovely Word.